


Love and the fireside

by Readerstories



Series: Bonnie Gold x reader [3]
Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-21 11:35:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20692853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Readerstories/pseuds/Readerstories
Summary: hello love! i just saw the dialogue prompts and i would love 14 and 23 with bonnie gold if that’s okay? (14. “And when you’re not around I keep thinking I might cry.” & 23. “I fell for you without even knowing it and, jesus, does it hurt that you can’t see it.”)





	Love and the fireside

**Author's Note:**

> It’s telling that the angst warning was the first thing I wrote as soon as I read the two sentences together :P I listened to Hozier all way through writing this. If you see any typos, please tell me

You love Bonnie Gold. That is a fact. You have loved him almost as long as you have known him, which is as long as you can remember. So to say your love was young was wrong, even though neither you nor Bonnie are old. 

It had begun as childish crush when you were a child, now it has grown into a deep affection and a willingness to do anything for him. 

There is only one problem with your love. Bonnie doesn’t know.

You know he sees you as his best friend, the one he can always trust to be there for him and vice versa. It should be enough, it should be enough to just be close to him, but it isn’t. 

It breaks you heart in so many ways not being able to tell him, not being able to hold him, not being able to kiss him, to whisper quiet ‘I love you’s in his ear late at night. 

Your heart breaks when you see him hold girls close to him like you wish he would do to you. It breaks your heart every time he asks for advice about his love life; he needs to get a woman’s opinion as he says. 

You always lie and say that he should go for it; even if what you really want to say is that he should stay with you and no one else. 

But you are not so selfish, so you tell him to go and have fun. You try to find someone for yourself too, but no one compares to Bonnie. 

Not that you really have anything to compare them to, since you and him have never been close like that even if you dearly wish you had. 

Even a night would have been better than nothing, but at the same time you do not want to risk his friendship for something as stupid as your love.

A few of your other friends know of your predicament. They are supportive, some try to convince you to tell Bonnie, to talk to him about your feelings. To tell him you love him. 

They assure you that he must surely feel the same, there is no way he doesn’t with how close you two are. You brush them off, not wanting to get your hopes up, not wanting to believe only to be disappointed and ruin something you treasure. 

So you keep quiet, keeping up the facade that you are only Bonnie’s best friend, nothing more even if you hope for it every time you see him, and think of him.

Which leads you to your current situation. You are at your newest campsite, drinking around one of the many bonfires lit in the night. 

You had started the night sitting on the log your back is currently leaning on, but the mix of alcohol and the line of snow you had done earlier had at some point lead you to sliding down. 

You don’t really mind that much; your feet are closer to the warmth of the fire this way, so you stay. You take a sip from your mug, letting the wonderful beer slip down you throat. 

Someone laughs form the other side of the fire, causing you to look up. Bonnie is there, standing there and talking to a girl you can’t remember the name off. (Something starting with H you think?) 

You watch him lean in and whisper something in the girls ear, she giggles at whatever he’s saying. You look away, opting to watch into the fire. You don’t have to torture yourself. 

You don’t know how much time has passed when you see movement in your side vision. Looking up, you are surprised to see Bonnie walking around the fire and settling on the log next you your head.

“What are you doing here?” Bonnie ruffles your hair, a drunken grin on his face. Normally you would have protested at the motion, told him off for messing up your hair, but you are too drunk and tired to do so now. 

The feeling of your heart beating faster is what you always tried to hide with that protest, so you sink into the feeling this time. You could brush off the heat and colour on your face as being from the fire if Bonnie asked, but thankfully he doesn’t, seeming content to gaze into the fire with you.

“Can’t a guy sit with his best friend?” You pretend that your heart doesn’t feel like it has been shot at his words. You give him a look before going back to looking into the dancing flames.

“Saw you with that girl, something with H. Thought you were going to go off with her.” Bonnie hums, and suddenly his hand is back in your hair, stroking this time.

“Harriet. Didn’t really want to, and neither did she. Pretty sure she found a guy when she was in Birmingham last.” You hum, letting him keep his hand in your hair, pretending your heart isn’t trying to break out from between your ribs. 

You offer Bonnie you drink without even looking at him. He takes it, not looking either. Your fingers brush briefly before he has it fully in his hand. He takes a big swig of your beer, burping loudly when after he swallows.

“Oh, lovely.” You joke as you take the mug back, leaning your head on his thigh, deciding some torture is worth the feeling of his muscles shifting under you.

“Thank you.” He jokes right back. Silence falls again, letting you back to your own thoughts. Which you should know are a dangerous place. 

“You know, I love you.” Bonnie’s hand in your hair stills.

“I fell for you without even knowing it and, jesus, does it hurt that you can’t see it.“ You sniffle, willing yourself not to cry while you circle the rim of your mug.

“I hate seeing you go off with those girls, I hate it with every fiber of my being. But I always tell you to go with them because I love you, and I want you to be fucking happy. I want you to find your love, I want you to have kids, have your own little family with small Golds running around with bare feet in the grass, laughing because dad is chasing them and not catching up.” You inhale; trying to will the tears you can feel forming back into your own body.

“Even if it’s not with me. And when you’re not around I keep thinking I might cry.” You say it quietly, almost a whisper, trying to hide how close you are to crying. Bonnie’s hand had stayed in your hair until then, with it falling away you can feel the last of your resolve vanishing. 

You get up, not ready to hear the rejection you are sure is coming. You run away into the dense forest next to the campsite, tears running down your face freely now. 

Bonnie doesn’t call after you. There is no sound except from the rustling bushes around you as you disappear into the woods. 

Luckily, this campsite had been used many times over the years, so you know your way around there a fair bit, so you quickly find a path you follow. The path takes you to a little clearing; the moon shining on a small stream making it’s quiet way through. 

Finding a relatively flat rock next to the stream, you sit down with your legs crossed, arms in your lap. You stare into nothing. You feel numb. 

The only sounds that can be heard is the water moving, undisturbed from your heartache. It’s comforting in a way. The tears making their way down your face are more silent, except from the occasional sob and gasp.

Some time passes, you have no clue how much. You try to gather yourself enough that you can go back, trying several times to take deep breaths and stop crying, but you are unsuccessful. 

The sound of footsteps on the path makes you move your gaze from nothing for the first time in what seems like hours. When you see who it is, you wished you had kept staring into the nothingness you had grown accustomed to.

You watch Bonnie make his way over to you, his gaze kept on the ground as not to trip over something in the dim moonlight. You can’t keep your own gaze away from him, even if it pains you to see him here. 

You don’t know why he is even here. Wasn’t a silent rejection enough?

You watch him silently taking a seat next to you his own eyes locking on the stream in front of you.

“Hey.” You can’t decipher the tone of his voice, which worries you. You have known him so long that you could always tell what was on his mind. But not now.

“Hey.” Your voice is wrecked, hearing this causes Bonnie to finally look at you. You don’t look away fast enough, so you lock eyes. You hold it for a few seconds before breaking it.

“What are you doing here?” You brush at your nose and eyes, trying to erase some of the evidence of your heavy crying.

“You love me.” You didn’t expect for him to go to it so directly.

“Yeah, and you said nothing when I confessed to you, so I took the fucking hint.” You feel Bonnie’s hands on your cheeks then. He turns your head towards him, making eye contact.

“What you did was give me no time to react. It’s not easy to find ones words when the love of your life confesses to you.” Your mouth falls open in shock. Did he just-? You frantically search his face for any hint of a lie. Your hands come up to cover his.

“Love of your life?” Your voice is breathless; his smile is fond and filled with love.

“Yes.” And with that, he pulls you close so he can kiss you. You loose your breath for a second, and then you are kissing him back.

At one point you move so you are straddling him, kissing him even deeper, your hands taking a hold of his hair like it is an anchor. 

When you finish kissing, you move so you foreheads are resting together. His hands are stroking your back slowly. You revel in the feeling, still feeling the high that can only come from kissing your love.

You move your hands from Bonnie’s hair, pushing gently at his shoulders until he lies down. You curl up into his side, head resting just over his heart, where you can hear it beating excitedly. His arm wraps around your waist, lazily stroking your ribcage. It feels wonderful, if slightly ticklish. 

“I love you.” You whisper into his ear. You hear his heart beat faster, causing you to smile.

“I love you too.” He kisses your forehead, the closest part he can reach of without getting up. You both stay like that, eventually falling asleep in each other’s arms.

In the morning, when you and Bonnie emerge from the woods, you both get teased about your dirty clothes, and the leaves in your hair. Bonnie even finds a twig in yours and laughs.

It’s heavily implied what people think you did in the woods, but that’s for another time.


End file.
